Being diagnosed with cancer comes as a devastating blow for patients – so sometimes we might overlook the impact on their families. When we hear the word 'cancer', we often immediately think of death, so it's not surprising that news of the diagnosis can rock the foundations of the family unit.
Not only are the patient's loved ones faced with an uncertain future, they also have to gather up the emotional strength to confront the present and support whatever treatment plan is recommended.
The entire balance of the family is tipped upside down as both the patient and loved ones suffer stress, sleep disturbance, anxiety, depression, helplessness, anger, rage and fear.
People often wake in the middle of the night. The smallest, darkest, loneliest hours can bring
frightening thoughts like a whirling tornado in their heads as they ask questions such as: "Will I die? What will happen to my family?"
Family members also wake during the night and ask: "How are we, how am I, going to cope with all this? What if my loved one doesn't survive? What will happen to us? How can we go on?"
Meanwhile, present-day life seems to get harder and harder with loss of earnings, loss of body image, childcare issues and loss of social life. Suddenly, everything that you took for granted has been blown away – and all that is left is how to survive the cancer and how to keep the family going, as you attempt to keep some form of routine and normality.
It's like your life before was a wide-angled camera lens with everything in it, such as family, friends, work and hobbies - only for cancer to condense it into one single narrow focus shot where fighting illness and getting through the rigorous treatment is the only thing that can be seen.
You also experience a grieving process representing the loss of all that you know, because even if you do survive, you know everything has changed forever.
So that's why – as we reflect on World Cancer Day on February 4 – we all need to understand what families are experiencing.
If any of your friends suddenly seem to cut you off because of cancer in their family, please reach out and try to support them. Remember, just because your friends don't personally have the illness, it doesn't mean they aren't suffering or going through a life-changing experience.
Being present and listening without judgment can be enough. Don't wait to be asked for help; just do it. Make a meal for them, walk the dog or offer to drive their loved one to a treatment session.
All these little acts of kindness can make the world of difference and help them get through what is an unimaginably difficult struggle.
On World Cancer Day, we all need to reach out and help the patients. But our message at The South Buckinghamshire Community Hospice is we also need to support the families as well. Their need is as great.
• The South Buckinghamshire Community Hospice is here to help. Patients and their families can ring 01494 537775 or go to: www.sbh.org.uk
