Maria Cook, 69, a mother-of-two from Marlow, says her weekly calls with Kathy Freyer from the service were of huge help as she struggled to cope with the loss of husband Peter.
“Kathy’s calls to me made a massive difference,” said Maria. “She didn’t help me get over my husband but helped me get through things and helped me to accept, learn and understand that it’s okay to not be okay.
“I really looked forward to her phone calls. I could tell her anything and she never judged me. There were days I was sobbing my heart out and she was fine with that. She never gave me any platitudes. She just offered the right words of comfort.”
Peter died aged 72 in February 2024 following complications after an operation.
Maria explained: “I knew him from when I was 17, he was my life. His death was very traumatic, and I was unable to cope. I went to the doctor and was referred to South Bucks Hospice.”
The hospice set her up with weekly calls with Kathy, who is part of a seven-strong team of bereavement listeners.
Maria particularly liked the fact she was able to talk on the telephone.
“The phone service worked really well because it was in the comfort of my own home, and it meant I didn’t have to wait to calm down before I could drive home from somewhere afterwards,” she said.
“We never saw each other face to face so she has no idea what she did for me. She enabled me to talk endlessly about what I wanted to talk about even if I was upset, and she didn’t try to stop me crying or being upset, and that was important because I needed that outlet.
"She gave me the strength to prove to myself that I was a strong person when I didn’t feel strong. Kathy used to tell me it was my space, my time to talk about anything and it was completely confidential.”
Maria and Kathy spoke on the phone for almost a year.
“I can’t sing Kathy’s praises or the service's praises highly enough. Sometimes it is just having that contact every week that is important – that regular continuity. She rang the same time every Friday and put some structure back in the day. When someone dies you become unravelled. It was the one constant I had that helped me get through,” said Maria, who described Kathy as ‘brilliant’.
Maria added: “I don’t think I can ever put it into words what this did for me. I have told people I don’t know where I would be without the listening service.”
The hospice’s bereavement listening service has now been running for about three years.
To qualify to use it, you need to either live in South Bucks or have a GP here and have lost a loved one to a prolonged, life-limiting illness.
Juliette Coffey, Head of Individual and Family Support at the hospice based in High Wycombe, has now urged others to take advantage of the service. She stressed that self-referrals are possible and that spaces are currently available.
She explained: "After losing a loved one from a prolonged advanced life-limiting illness, the processing of all that has happened and the hole felt by the loss leaves a mass of emotions to contemplate. It takes a lot of time to adjust to any sense of new normal and to express feelings.
“This is where our South Bucks Hospice team of bereavement listeners can help support and offer an understanding ear. No one should suffer alone so please do reach out to us at South Bucks Hospice if your GP is in our catchment area. We would really love to help.”
Bereavement listener Kathy, a social worker by profession, said: “It is an extremely important service. It is a lifeline to some people.”
Kathy added that there are enormous benefits to the listener as well as the bereaved person.
“It gives me a sense of comfort as well if I know that I can make a difference to somebody’s week and that it just might brighten their day in some way,” she said.
· To find out more, about the hospice’s Bereavement Listening Service, please contact listening@sbhospice.org.uk
A grieving widow mourning the death of her beloved husband has praised the support given to her by South Bucks Hospice’s telephone Bereavement Listening Service.
Maria Cook praises Bereavement Listening Service
